What is the problem?
Christmas holidays are coming soon, and many Ukrainians feel guilty considering whether to celebrate these holidays. After all, today, you can often hear the opinion that during the war, when there is so much pain and loss around, it is not the time to rejoice at bright lights and a lavishly decorated Christmas tree, to prepare a festive table and gifts for each other.
What is the solution?
Ukrainians have to live during war, but they know that war is not only shelling, blackouts, losses, and uncertainty. It is also support, understanding, hope, and faith. It makes sense not to ignore the holidays even during such terrible trials as war. To have the strength and resources to continue working for victory, Ukrainians donate to the Ukrainian army, take care of their relatives, and support their defenders. This month before the holidays can and should be made a little brighter.
Rubryka asked a psychologist why moments of joy are so crucial for people's mental health and how to celebrate the Christmas holidays without feeling inappropriate and guilty.
How does it work?
Christmas and New Year during the war — "for" and "against"
Christmas tree in Kyiv-2022.
Christmas and New Year are two of the most favorite holidays of children and adults not only in Ukraine but also all over the world. There are many traditions in preparation for the Christmas holidays. People choose gifts for loved ones and gather whole families for a festive dinner. Of course, the most important holiday symbol in every home is the Christmas tree, which we decorate with garlands, toys, nuts, and sweets.
Unfortunately, the modern realities of life make considerable adjustments to our everyday lives. In the conditions of hostilities, everything that used to bring light and pure joy can now become a trigger. Many Ukrainians are deliberating whether decorating the Christmas tree or celebrating Christmas and New Year right now is appropriate.
This is a rather difficult personal question, notes practical psychologist Iryna Laiko. There are several arguments, both "for" and "against."
Let's consider the arguments in favor of festivities:
- traditions and holidays provide a sense of normality and stability, which is essential during the chaos of war;
- Christmas holidays raise people's fighting spirit;
- this is especially important for children because holidays bring joy and hope.
Christmas and New Year's holidays can positively affect a person's mental state, helping to raise the mood in anticipation of a miracle and New Year's happiness. A joyful atmosphere and bright decorations improve the emotional background, creating a feeling of unity with family and friends. All this contributes to the formation of pleasant memories and associations, the opportunity to "reboot" consciousness.
"Against:"
- it is unethical to have fun and spend money on decorations when soldiers are dying at the front;
- decorating the Christmas tree requires additional energy and resources;
- there is a risk of mass shelling by the enemy during the holidays.
The psychologist notes that during the celebration, feelings of loneliness and longing may increase in people without family or loved ones and in people whose relatives are at the front. Anxiety levels rise due to excessive expectations of the holidays, which can exacerbate interpersonal problems and conflicts in families when they gather together. The celebration also causes some financial difficulties due to the increased costs of gifts and the festive table.
Therefore, preparation for the holiday and its celebration itself can both improve and worsen the mental state. Much depends on a person's perception and the holiday conditions for them.
Santa as a resource
"We all understand that in the conditions of war, air raids, shelling, explosions, and constant physical and mental stress, our body needs a reboot and stabilization. Therefore, holidays and traditions can have a powerful therapeutic, healing effect on the human psyche," says Laiko.
The specialist explains how holidays during the war can be useful:
- Restoration of emotional balance. Bright atmosphere, positive emotions, and celebrations help to "reboot" the nervous system and relieve accumulated tension and stress.
- Increasing sense of security. Traditions and rituals familiar from childhood give a sense of stability and confidence.
- Strengthening of social ties. Warm communication with family and friends during the holidays helps to improve mental health.
- Formation of positive memories. Pleasant associations with holidays can lift the mood, even in difficult times.
- Spiritual elevation and inspiration. The special atmosphere of the holidays can inspire positive changes and motivate to move forward.
Laiko emphasizes that it is essential to create a festive atmosphere of winter holidays for children and their healthy mental development.
New Year's and Christmas holidays play a huge therapeutic role for the child's psyche, contributing to the satisfaction of the child's basic psychological needs — for safety, joy, and family belonging. The atmosphere of holidays and warm family gatherings ensures this. Christmas stories, fairy tales, and magical characters develop the child's imagination and creativity through the main characters — Saint Nicholas, Santa Claus, Rudolph the Reindeer, who drives Santa Claus' sleigh across the sky, and others. Having faith in miracles and hoping for the realization of dreams, the child develops an optimistic view of the world. A psychological "anchor" is laid in the form of vivid positive memories of the holidays, and the basic children's need for play and entertainment is satisfied through decorations, gifts, and holiday paraphernalia.
Skipping holidays is a path to emotional burnout
Laiko warns that a person who deliberately deprives themself of any manifestations of positivity can expect quite serious consequences. The absence of joy, pleasant emotions, and positive experiences leads to the development of depression and anxiety disorders, which affects the deterioration of mental health. A pessimistic worldview causes chronic stress, which exhausts the body and accelerates the aging process. A cynical attitude to joy pushes people away and deprives them of support, leading to social isolation. Without deep positive experiences, a person's life loses its colors, becomes gray and meaningless, and the individual loses the meaning of life. Lack of joy does not provide energy for positive changes and personal growth, leading to the fading of internal motivation.
Therefore, the rejection of manifestations of positivity leads to destructive consequences in all areas of life. This is the path to inner devastation and emotional burnout.
It is also important to remember that even without a war, holidays can exacerbate or provoke new psychological problems. The psychologist says that in today's conditions, typical examples of disorders of the emotional and volitional sphere of the personality, which manifest themselves during the New Year and Christmas holidays, can be the following:
1️⃣ Complaints of depressed mood, apathy, and unwillingness to celebrate. This is due to the acute feeling of loneliness on the eve of family holidays. This is especially relevant for parents and wives whose sons/husbands are at war.
Tip: to overcome this feeling, you can organize mutual support groups or get involved in volunteering or charity work.
2️⃣ Exacerbation of anxiety disorders due to memories of an accident that happened to a person a year earlier on New Year's Eve. There are separate appeals to psychologists due holiday psycho trauma.
Tip: to overcome anxiety, it is necessary to familiarize yourself with the methods of body-oriented therapy and learn relaxation techniques.
3️⃣ Parents may complain that the child is excessively irritable and cranky due to the expectation of gifts for Christmas and New Year and has excessive demands.
Tip: parents should talk to their children in a calm atmosphere about realistic expectations and the family's financial situation, but at the same time, remember the psychological features of children's perception of holidays.
4️⃣ There may be conflicts with other family members due to insistence on celebrating holidays according to old customs and traditions.
Tip: use family therapy methods to establish communication and resolve conflicts between spouses.
The joy of the holidays without guilt
To find the golden mean and preserve the positive energy that the holidays can bring, to celebrate Christmas and the New Year without feeling guilty, practical psychologist Laiko advises a few more things:
1️⃣ Allow yourself a little holiday.
There is no need to abandon traditions and joys completely. A little light in the dark will help you persevere. Let the holiday be quiet and modest but warm in the circle of those closest to you.
2️⃣ Be moderate in celebrations.
Limit yourself to modest decorations, a minimum number of dishes, and prepare a festive dinner from simple ingredients.
3️⃣ Limit yourself to small gifts for your children or loved ones.
Make a small surprise for your children in the form of a Christmas tree toy or sweets. You can also write warm wishes to each other on stickers or cards, remembering the joyful moments of the past year. Do not forget about family games or watching your favorite movie. The main thing is to be together and support each other.
4️⃣ Remember others.
Do something good — help the wounded and those who lost their homes, give holiday goodies with Christmas and New Year attribution, and support friends who are having a hard time. Bring joy to those around you.
5️⃣ Honor the memory of the deceased.
Remember the fallen heroes in your prayers or your thoughts. This will give deep meaning to the holidays.
6️⃣ Focus on your values, such as family and health.
Let the holiday remind of what is worth living and fighting for.
And, of course, don't forget the need to support Ukraine's defenders.
According to the psychologist, the main thing is to believe that this way you can preserve the holiday spirit and a positive mood in difficult times. This is a good reason to make the reality brighter. A brighter reality is a better future for future generations, and it is an investment in them.
Even more useful solutions!
This year, opinions differed on the appropriateness of Christmas holidays at the level of municipalities. Some Ukrainian communities categorically refused to install decorated Christmas trees on the main squares of cities and not to hold festive mass events. Some still plan to install a central Christmas tree — however, they won't use state funds for this but will use artificial trees and decorations left over from previous years, or patrons will cover the costs of installing holiday trees. In Kharkiv, as in 2022, the main Christmas tree will be waiting for children and adults in the safest location of the city — in the subway.
Christmas tree-2023 located six kilometers from the city of Bakhmut in the Donetsk region. Photo from the Ground Forces Telegram channel.
"The moral component remained. Some appeal to the fact that during the war, there can be no Christmas trees and no holidays in general since there is a war," wrote Anton Holovenko, a member of the Irpin City Council, on his Facebook page. "I will answer this with just one example. On New Year's, as well as on Christmas, the military will also have Christmas trees. They will be in trenches, tents, old, broken-down houses, and military hospitals. I will say more. Most units will also celebrate if possible. Make a festive table. Do you know why? Because it's normal. This is not cheating! It is wrong to manipulate it and humiliate people for wanting to experience a holiday. A Christmas tree will not prevent us from thinking and helping the front. But it will help us feel a moment of joy and faith in victory and become morally stronger for the next not-easy year." Here, in one of the cities of the Kyiv region most affected by the large-scale invasion, they also decided to install an artificial Christmas tree purchased a few years ago.
As in 2022, there will be no Christmas market of food courts and attractions in the capital. In addition to the main 12-meter tree, which was opened on December 6, several small Christmas trees with themed toys will be placed in the photo zones on Sofiivska Square. Signs with QR codes will be installed near them. Anyone can take a decoration, having previously donated to support the Ukrainian army.
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