How men join campaigns against gender-based violence and change Ukraine for good?

Gender-based violence is a problem not only for society as a whole. Anyone can contribute to the emergence of this violence, consciously or not, by adapting behavioral patterns that are established in society and putting pressure on both sexes.

This is how gender-based violence* occurs when society expects men to be emotionless, independent, dominant, and use control as a style of behavior in relationships.

Masculinity becomes toxic because adapting this stereotype means becoming tough and even aggressive. Unfortunately, this stereotype is also rooted in Ukraine, which is evidenced in a 2018 study.

Iryna Pavlyk, project coordination analyst on gender-based violence and conflict-related sexual violence at UN Women Ukraine, says:

"No country in the world has yet achieved gender equality. According to estimates by various UN agencies, it may take 80 to 200 years for most countries to achieve gender equality. This is a very long time. That is why we need to engage men as much as possible, and this work should be done from birth."

No organization at the international or national level nor activists will be able to change this situation because the problem is systemic and rooted in our society,  the expert says.

Society imposes behavioral norms and gender stereotypes from pregnancy when a woman finds out her child's sex. The concepts immediately start to influence her life, like choosing the color of clothes for the baby and toys.

"The future social roles of girls and boys are formed from the first months and years of life. This has a great impact on the personality when a girl is taught that she should be beautiful, smile, get married on time and successfully, and then obey her husband, be a good mother and a quiet woman," Iryna said.

While boys are raised to build careers, earn money, and protect their mothers, wives, and sisters.

"The stereotypical upbringing of boys and girls only within certain narrow limits is usually very harmful for both boys and girls, and for society as a whole."

"It is very important to have an individual approach to education based on the characteristics, needs, and interests of a particular child," Iryna said.

He will primarily be formed as a person with his own, rather than imposed, habits and patterns of behavior and life strategies.

For example, the counterbalance to toxic masculinity is positive masculinity, when a grown man is not afraid to express his emotions, take care of his health, and accept and respect people with different personalities.

To ensure that men have more opportunities for free expression and less violence, society must engage.

Rubryka found out how men are already joining activities to combat gender-based violence, based on the example of the Gender Club in Dnipro and the experience of other activists.

"Without including men as opinion leaders, as wind of change, as positive role models, we won't achieve either gender equality or overcome violence against women," Iryna said.

She says how men play a great role in society, so people cannot work on solving a social problem by involving only one part of mankind.

Despite the generally good representation of Ukrainian women in government at various levels, men still have a majority in leadership positions and often make decisions.

It is important to convey to men how gender equality, non-violent behavior, and involved fatherhood can actually change the lives of men themselves for the better.

"Gender equality is not about women and men, it is about women, men, people who identify as LGBT, non-binary people. Gender equality is about leaving no one behind and engaging absolutely everyone, including people from marginalized and excluded groups, such as people living with HIV, rural women, who are one of the poorest groups in Ukraine, etc."

Yegor Antonov, a Slavic Heart charity foundation facilitator, lives in Kryvyi Rih. One of its projects is dedicated to positive parenting, where parents receive information about non-violent behavior. Some areas include communication with children and adolescents to find ways out of difficult situations, develop stress resistance, provide support to friends and parents, and more.

Yegor emphasizes the need to instill a model of partnership from childhood.

"I always say this city needs help. Kryvyi Rih is a city of miners, and we have a well-established model of behavior where a man goes to the mine while a woman stays at home with the children all the time. The man comes home tired and does no housework. I see this in the case of many of my friends and their families,"

After the start of Russia's full-scale war, he and his friends returned from Kyiv, where they saw that life could be different.

"When a couple has a child, it's a choice of both people, and the parenthood shouldn't fall on the woman's shoulders alone. Of course, if a woman doesn't work and a man does, she has more household duties. But when I come home and eat, I have to wash the dishes and sit with the child for a while, and give my wife some free time."

15-20% of people in Kryvyi Rih are ready for truly partnered family relationships, mostly young people with life experience in other Ukrainian cities and European countries. Yegor believes that serious changes will occur when initiatives to overcome imbalances and gender stereotypes are implemented at the state level as universal education and each community.

"It should be a comprehensive approach, where men and women are taught from childhood that raising a child and running a home is the responsibility of both of them as partners who have decided to go through life together."

Yegor is pleased that the youngest children the charity works with no longer divide their toys by gender. Boys enjoy pushing strollers, while girls play with construction tools. Kids grow up without stereotypes about what a man and woman should do.

Yet it's more complicated to work with adults, says Yegor. He believes there should be introductory training so that young women also realize they don't have to do all the parenting alone, can earn as much as men, and that there is nothing wrong with a man going on maternity leave.

Yegor also proposes an idea that could direct the thoughts away from gender stereotypes: interactive quest rooms consisting of two parts, a dishwasher and other household utensils, and nails or hammers.

"So men and women to attend both units, to fulfill each other's 'duties' and to realize that it is difficult to do it alone."

Tetiana Alfiorova, First Vice-Rector of Dnipro Humanitarian University, PhD in Law, Associate Professor, Project Coordinator of the Gender Club Dnipro NGO, says that eliminating gender-based violence must be systematic.

"We are trying to conduct systematic work on the inadmissibility of violence. In my opinion,, we need to educate first and foremost. As a lawyer, I am engaged in legal education. We need to constantly emphasize what gender is, what sex is, what violence is, and what types of violence there are. Sometimes people don't even realize that their actions are related to gender-based violence, such as psychological violence."

As part of the global and all-Ukrainian campaign "16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence," which runs annually from November 25 to December 10, many organizations hold educational lectures in schools and colleges. These events are aimed at explaining the essence of violence and the responsibility for it.

"We state that any manifestation of violence against a person, regardless of their gender, is a violation of their rights. We also urge people to join our club."

Fortunately, more men are showing interest in such events, not stereotypically perceiving them as some kind of "women's issues."

Men hardly ever attended such events a year ago, Tetiana adds. The initiative is engaging men more actively.

"In fact, I see more and more men at the events who did not come to quarrel and say, "Girls, this is nonsense, what are you talking about here." They are interested in this topic and are ready to help in the fight against gender-based violence, so there are positive signs."

Kateryna Nemchenko, a member of the Dnipro Regional Council, spoke on a recent event where women took over Pavlohrad mines to replace male miners who went to war.

"The reason for this is that more than a thousand men were enlisted, about 40 of them, unfortunately, were killed, which caused a critical shortage of employees. Women who wanted to, of course, no one forced them to, went to work in positions that were previously held exclusively by men."

Kateryna says that in this way, people realize that women should have the right to engage in the same activities as men.

"This does not mean that all women should go to work in mines. It means that women can do it if they want to."

She says it's difficult to convince some men that gender equality is about both sexes. Her previous posts on social media about gender equality were commented on by men with indignant words about how "it will come to the point where women will go to work in mines" and that this is all "a woman's story that society does not need."

People from larger cities have a more flexible attitude, but those who live in smaller towns and were raised in the Soviet times with clearly defined social roles are more prejudiced.

Kateryna says educational efforts should be directed at children and young people up to 44 years of age, according to the WHO definition of young age.

The solution may even be simply to show that there is a different family model than the one where dad works and mom provides for the household.

"The child will at least think about the fact that his family has one model, and maybe another. Then they will be able to choose which model is more appropriate for them. The main thing is that a person has a choice."

DadHub is an all-Ukrainian project by the UA Fishing Club from Kramatorsk, the Donetsk region. Now, the centers also operate in western Uzhhorod, Ternopil, Khmelnytskyi, and other cities.

Men take part in trainings on non-violent communication with family, talk about the importance of equal distribution of responsibilities, and learn that communication with children should also be a partnership.

"We conduct many group activities, when our psychologists-facilitators observe how men communicate with their children. If they see some moments of inappropriate behavior towards a child, they can then very carefully offer this man a separate conversation," says Yaroslav Boyko, head of the UA Fishing Club and founder of the DadHub project.

"But usually, other men in the group who already have a more positive experience of fatherhood can approach him and talk about this point in his communication with the child in a non-intrusive way. The peer-to-peer method works, when a more experienced person can tell you how to behave in a given situation."

In 2023, the NGO also began working with former military personnel and their families and plans to do so in 2024.

"It will not be easy for us. We want to unite the community of civilian men and veterans, so that they help each other on the same principle of "peer-to-peer". We work with veterans carefully, because they have changed some psychological and behavioral aspects."

The reality of a full-scale war has hit men hard. Many changed their homes and lost their jobs.

"We explain that if a woman works and a man has lost his job, but he cleans and cooks, this is also work and a contribution to the family's well-being."

Volunteers often visit different frontline communities, have an algorithm for what to do when gender-based violence occurs, and report it to the official and support services. Many cases go unreported, so the real numbers are higher, Yaroslav says.

"In my opinion, as the head of the organization and the founder of the project, the more communities like this we have, the more stable our country will be." 

"I am very pleased that our state is now keeping the issue of combating gender-based violence in the focus of its attention at both the national and regional levels. A lot of changes are taking place," said Iryna Pavlyk, a UN Women analyst.

She cited Ukraine's ratification of the Council of Europe Convention on preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence (Istanbul Convention) in 2022.

"It is not yet fully integrated into national legislation. UN Women in Ukraine analyzed this very subject and proposed a number of changes to existing laws and bylaws and what new regulations should be developed and adopted to ensure that Ukrainian legislation fully complies with the Istanbul Convention." 

Iryna Pavlyk cites information presented at the conference "Justice for Victims of Gender-Based Violence" in November 2023: many female prosecutors at various levels are working to ensure that a victim-centered approach is implemented in cases of gender-based violence. Prosecutors mustn't transmit gender stereotypes in their professional approach.

UN Women in Ukraine and Starlight Media conducted a communication campaign as part of the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence campaign to draw public attention to gender-based violence against women, promoting its prevention and informing about platforms to help victims. In 16 videos, successful and well-known Ukrainian women shared their stories of how they experienced violence and managed to overcome it.

UN Women in Ukraine also works extensively with teachers to ensure that harmful stereotypes are not part of the learning process.

Women make up the majority of victims of gender-based violence, so it is vital to involve women survivors, says Iryna. These women know exactly how to break the cycle of violence and how legal protection, access to medical care, and economic and psychosocial support work. UN Women in Ukraine cooperates with more than 150 civil society organizations that protect women's rights.

"Ukraine has to work at all levels and follow the best international practices as a candidate country for membership in the European Union. There is still a very long and difficult path ahead, but together, by engaging men in their various roles, we can create zero tolerance for any manifestations of violence against women and girls."

Vlada Spivak, head of the strategic development of the Poltava City Council and deputy, believes that work to counter gender-based violence and promote gender equality should be carried out comprehensively and at all levels.

As part of "16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence," we participated in a forum where we discussed a new approach to justice. We also highlighted the importance of the principle of inevitability of punishing criminals for committing domestic and gender-based violence.

With the support of the UN Women, a meeting of representatives of  women-led organizations, civil society organizations and women activists from the Poltava region took place in the city. We discussed the possibility of creating a coordination working group on gender issues in humanitarian activities in the region. The delegation of the UN Women Ukrainian office is now working on this issue and preparing its recommendations."

In case of a direct threat to life or physical and psychological health, call the police. Law enforcement officers are obliged to react and respond to the call in case of any violence directed at the person or others.

For over three years, hotline 1547 has been operating at the intersection of several ministries. One can turn here when he notices the first signs of gender-based violence against him or someone else. Hotline specialists will explain how to act.

For over a year, a telephone line of psychological support, 2345, was created for men. And recently there has been an online chat launched for psychological support. By writing in Telegram, Viber, or on the Support Line website, men can get help from professional therapists.

Call the La Strada hotline at 0 800 500 335 or 116 123 (from mobile). They provide psychological assistance to victims of gender-based or domestic violence, gender discrimination, and human trafficking.

The initiative has existed since 2016 and works with men to prevent violence and promote healthy masculinity. The organization also produces guides, such as "A Call to Men," which updated the curriculum "Live with respect and healthy masculinity: life skills and well-being for boys and young men" for students aged 10-18 years.

The manual was developed in 2017 to guide coaches, teachers, mentors, and youth rights defenders. The curriculum has 12 lessons that are free to download. The lessons promote healthy relationships and respectful masculinity aimed at combating the humiliation of girls, women, and marginalized groups, as well as countering bullying and homophobia.

"Before completing the course, only 21% of boys understood that they were taught to consider women and girls as the property of men. After the course, this number increased to 90%. In addition, only 19% of boys said they understood what consent to sex meant. After the course, this number increased to 75%." 

Gender equality is a fundamental value of the EU bloc, to which Ukraine seeks to join. The principles of the EU gender policy formation are determined by the Gender Equality Strategy 2020-2025, within the framework of which a number of measures are implemented at different levels.

On 29 November 2023, the European Commission established the EU Network for the Prevention of Gender-Based and Domestic Violence, stating the involvement of men and boys is identified as a key focus of attention. The network will meet twice a year with officials from member states and stakeholders.

In the spring of 2023, the European Commission launched a campaign to combat gender stereotypes that affect both men and women about choosing a career, sharing childcare responsibilities and influencing decision-making.

The Alliance is a non-governmental network of organizations, which, as noted on the initiative's website, transforms patriarchal masculinity: "As a global community, we engage men and boys in issues of women's rights, gender justice, LGBTQI rights, and social justice for all."

The network consists of hundreds of member organizations and individuals, united by dozens of networks in countries and six regional networks.

One of the network's latest campaigns is #HowToTalkWithMen. Activists shared their thoughts and insights on intelligibly, non-traumatic, and convincingly communicating with boys and men on gender equality topics.

The #HowToTalkWithMen campaign comes at a time when many boys and men are facing harmful messages about online masculinity and misinformation about feminism and gender equality. Influencers who appeal to stereotypical notions of masculinity based on aggression, dominance, violence find mass support, especially among young men. Such trends have real consequences for women and queer communities, as well as for men and boys themselves,"