Not about death, but about the power to live: art project supports women who lost their husbands due to war

What is the problem?

Every day, Ukraine sees off its sons and daughters on their last journey. These are the heroes who went to defend and protect their family and country from the Russian invaders. Today, almost every Ukrainian family experiences the loss of friends or relatives. Learning to live again is very difficult for those from whom the war took away a loved one. And one of the ways to ease this pain is to share it with those who understand, to talk about it, to tell others about it.

What is the solution?

The charity art therapy project Alive.True Love Stories aim to allow fallen soldiers' wives to start creating, find strength for life, and find new friends, a community that will understand and support them.

Olena Sokalska and Alina Karnaukhova were the authors of the idea, which the Suchasna Ukraine Charitable Foundation supported. The art project started in Kyiv in December 2022 and is currently ongoing in many other Ukrainian cities.

How does it work?

The idea of the project came to Sokalska a year ago when she accidentally saw Karnaukhova's post about the support group for the wives of fallen soldiers.

Karnaukhova also experienced the loss of a loved one. Her husband, Serhii Karnaukhov, a world powerlifting champion, died defending the Kharkiv region from Russians. To return to life herself and help others survive the loss, Karnaukhova created the Alive non-governmental organization, where women from whom the war took the dearest learned to feel alive anew.

"I texted Alina and offered to gather the girls for a painting master class just to support them somehow. Having five years of experience participating in such master classes, I was sure that under the guidance of an experienced artist-teacher, our participants would also be able to do everything," recalls Sokalska.

It was tough to persuade women to join the master class: "At first, everyone says: 'I don't have the strength, I want to die, what pictures?'. Yes, you don't want anything in grief, you don't want to live. But such therapy really has healing power," says Karnaukhova.

Sokalska says that, unfortunately, she was unable to find a social project or fund that would focus on helping women who are experiencing the loss of a loved one: "This mission seems to have been entrusted to psychologists, but they did not calculate the number of women who need support and the quality of this assistance. If psychologists and doctors cannot help, why not invite artists?".

The first group gathered in the art studio of Kyiv artist Oleh Yurov, who had experience teaching painting and agreed to try it at Sokalska's request.

"There were doubts, but everything worked out, and after the first, second, and third master classes were held, different participants came with different stories; some even came from other cities. Then I thought it would be interesting to create such an opportunity for them not only in Kyiv," Sokalska continues. 

This is how the all-Ukrainian project Alive. True Love Stories was born — paintings created by the wives of fallen heroes. Behind each work is a life full of love, dreams, and hopes.

According to the author of the project, its main goal was the desire to unite and psychologically help those who other volunteer and charity initiatives have not noticed — women who are experiencing loss, are depressed and are looking for an opportunity to adapt their lives to the new cruel reality. The ambitious goal and real challenge is to bring these women back to life from the black hole in which they found themselves and preserve the bright memory of their heroes.

Having lost a loved one, many women withdraw into themselves. Communication during painting classes in the project helps to release emotions and transfer them to the paintings. The friendly atmosphere of the art studio and support from professional artists help to survive the grieving period, and participation in exhibitions and other creative activities of the project helps to return to society faster.

"This is not traditional art therapy. Professional art therapists do not use this method," says Sokalska. "This is my own invention — a picture dedicated to a loved one and a love story related to this picture. Together, they form a single whole." During the two-day painting, the participants communicate with each other and the master, feeling the closeness and kinship of souls. They understand that they don't have to go through their grief alone. New connections are being made. Women tell each other about their loved ones. Sokalska often invites journalists to the studio so that the participants can tell the public about their heroes. "It is essential to be able to share your pain, telling someone about your happy life and love," Sokalska is convinced.

Sokalska finds artist mentors for her project in various cities of Ukraine through the art community, the National Union of Artists of Ukraine, friends' recommendations, and social media. Volunteer artists provide their studios and their own experience free of charge to realize this bold, experimental idea.

Recently, in Lviv, a series of master classes for wives of fallen heroes was held by Khrystyna Valko, an artist and specialist in art therapy. Under her guidance, the participants created more than a dozen paintings. Most of them never painted since childhood.

"The participants choose the stories of the subjects of the paintings themselves because it is about their inner experiences. Instead, all the nuances of technical and technological features are up to me: to explain how and with what you can mix paints, which colors are better to choose, how best to reproduce a certain plot, etc. I try to gently help them go through this path, without a feeling of ignorance, but gradually and sensitively," says Khrystyna Valko.

For women, creating pictures is often a completely new experience, but together with the mentor, they try to realize not only a work of art but also go through an art therapy path with it.

"The peculiarity of such therapy lies in its different stages in the painting process," explains Valko. Often in life, people eliminate, intentionally or subconsciously, an important part of awareness of a certain emotional process related to pain, especially if it is such a big emotional loss. "As a result, we cannot let go of this state for a long time; we go around in circles. Therapeutic painting allows you to experience all stages. Live the pain, be with it, learn to live with it."

The artist adds that such meetings are always extremely special and sensitive. They have a lot of tears, sharing, acceptance, hugs, and love. The stories in the paintings first provoke an avalanche of sadness, burning pain, and memories in women. Then, they let them feel they are not alone, needed, and alive. It is not always given the first time. Sometimes, you have to start all over again.

"I would compare this experience to the Japanese art of kintsugi, where very delicate porcelain fragments are glued together with varnish with the finest powdered gold. Here, gold is acceptance, the ability to listen and hear, unconditionality, and love. By 'gluing' the girls, I also 'glue' my own porcelain wounds," Valko shares.

In her opinion, such projects make it possible to save mental health, first of all for the participants and then for society.

"First of all, this is an elucidation of emotional healing through the prism of the creativity of women who lost their husbands and sons during the Russian aggression and full-scale war," the artist notes. After saying goodbye to the heroes, unfortunately, society forgets about them and their loved ones over time. Such projects are designed to tell the unique story of each fallen hero and to talk about everyone so that they know and remember to whom Ukraine owes its independence.

Did they really succeed?

Now, Sokalska organizes master classes in painting all over the country. Since more than 100 paintings have been created, the project has a great exposure to show it at creative exhibitions.

Five vernissages were held in Kyiv in the last three months alone. The project was presented in December at the Palace of Arts in Lviv. Lutsk is also waiting for a love story — there will be a big all-Ukrainian exhibition.

At the same time, master classes are held in Dnipro, Lviv, Kyiv, Ivano-Frankivsk, Novo-Volynsk, Lutsk, and Kropyvnytskyi. The project will also be launched in Poltava and Uzhhorod shortly. For the Kyiv community of participants, the author of the idea also organizes many different creative events — meetings and master classes, so that they can spend time together in an exciting way.

"How can you help yourself in grieving? One option is the sublimation of depressive thoughts into creativity. When you paint, you concentrate on the future picture and think about which brush you need, how to mix colors to get one or another color, how to start applying the first strokes, and immerse yourself in the process. Even if it's just "smearing" with a brush here and there. The mind is already starting to switch. "We not only painted pictures but also laughed, had tea, listened a little about modern artists, and just had a good time," says Yevheniia Denysiuk, a participant in the master class in Dnipro.

Another project participant, Nadiia Lytovchenko, depicted "Lullaby Life." She describes her feelings: "Why exactly did I want to paint this picture? I must have felt something similar to what is bubbling inside me now: these cold tones, tension and coziness, unknownness and mysticism, inevitability and loyalty. A love story is also here. Anniversaries that I still cannot acknowledge: death, life, childhood, dedication, courage, willpower, irreversibility, and many other things I try to grasp every day. I'm still alive, I am. And Andrii is gone. One can only hope that the cranes have lulled his soul and he is no longer in pain."

Alla Karpenko, the wife of the deceased serviceman, says that the two-day painting workshop initially seemed to her to be a rather unusual form of support and healing. However, after the experience, Karpenko realized how important and valuable it became for her and all the participants.

"At first, I felt insecure about my artistic abilities, but the extremely warm and favorable atmosphere created by the project facilitators allowed me to relax and deepen my creativity," Karpenko recalls. "This was especially important because we could express our emotions and feelings through art, even if words were not enough. Drawing allowed me to focus on warm memories of my beloved and convey them on canvas."

She adds that communication with like-minded people and a sense of community helped create a strong bond. Women supported each other throughout the entire creative process: "This art therapy project was more than just a creative event. It allowed us to express our emotions, build a supportive community, and find a therapeutic outlet for our experiences. I am grateful for this opportunity and believe similar projects should be implemented more often to support those who suffered losses during military conflicts."

Karnaukhova, its co-founder, also became a participant in the project.

It was also her first painting experience — Karnaukhova was almost sure she could not do anything, but she still dared to tell her shared story with Serhii Karnaukhov on canvas.

"I didn't want it, our story, to be about the pain that lives in my chest. I want to tell the world about the story of love, warmth, the feeling of absolute happiness, comfort, and peace that could be felt just by touching each other. Now all I have left are bright memories and colors, in which I try to engrave them," Karnaukhova shares. Now, like her husband, she joined the ranks of the Ukrainian army.

Sokalska says that participation in the project gives participants more self-confidence; they begin to believe in their own strength, see a good result of their creative endeavor, and often want to repeat the experience of healing painting — they master the art of painting in studios with masters. And then their own story begins.

Even more useful solutions!

"When I started this project, I had no idea that this year I would not experience other people's troubles and grief but enjoy real, not fictional, love stories," Sokalska shares with Rubryka. "We didn't know how much love was around us, how many happy families, how many men who were the first to defend their love, their loved ones because they really had something to protect."

By the way, Yurov, who conducted the first master classes, liked the idea so much that he decided to spread it. Since July, he has been doing a similar project with the We Together community.

Sokalska continues developing her idea of collaboration between professional artists and those experiencing loss. Yevhen Karas, head of the art community Sil-Sol, helps her with advice. Together with Ukrainian artist Matvii Vaisberg, they created a master class for women. Leonid Komskyi and Yurii Kogutyak, well-known patrons and collectors of modern art, helped with donations. Ukrainian artist, photographer, and art critic Oleksandr Lyapin helped make a cycle of video materials.

Sokalska admits that it is difficult to find sponsors for the project: "I wrote dozens of letters and proposals, but the topic of loss is taboo in our society. It is silenced. Businesses also do not dare to support this idea because they do not know how long this project will last."

However, Sokalska is sure: the project Alive. True Love Stories may be transformed over time but will not end.

It will last as long as needed. Not only does it help women recover, but it also allows society to learn how to properly communicate with women who are experiencing grief. Unfortunately, there are a lot of them around — wives and brides of fallen soldiers, mothers of those who did not have time to start a family, wives of those who are missing, and those who are still in Russia's captivity.

Sokalska says: "I am neither a psychologist nor an art therapist. But I lost my husband in a car accident 15 years ago after 20 years of a happy married life. And I can confidently say that it helps to survive such a heavy loss. First of all, these are the people who surround you, a new circle of communication — because usually the old one will be lost. Those who will understand and support you.

And another thing is confidence in one's own ability to find or create a new, different self. Because, unfortunately, there is no turning back. So you have to become a self-sufficient, creative person. And start creating your new life."

Art and creativity help a lot. Sokalska quotes the words of the Ukrainian artist Vaisberg in one of the interviews about the project: "Creativity is medicine for the soul," and adds that he was absolutely right.

There are still a lot of interesting things ahead: in the plans of the founder of the project — exhibitions, books, creative events, photo projects, open workshops, art space. Women now wait in line for months to attend their first painting workshop. Sokalska says that she wants it to happen faster. Therefore, she invites patrons and like-minded people to cooperate.

If you want to participate in the project but it is not yet presented in your city, it is enough to write to the project page on Facebook or Instagram. When Sokalska sees several requests from the same city, she will start looking for an art studio and an artist-curator who will volunteer to support the idea.